OCD Squared

Can't....talk...must...clean....

The Long and The Short

In no particular order except my own...

I have a doctor's appointment March 4th, which will hopefully mean goodbye puzzling symptoms and welcome back to life Tawny.

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I am relaunching Baby Bean this Spring, and adding an Ebay store to boot. This is subject to A) my mental health, B) the room in my basement opeing up and C) time limitations.

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I've found the inspiration I've been craving.

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This blog will reflect that and most of all, me, not some trifled version of mediocrity penned from another.

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Ely has shots this afternoon, and I'm dreading them.

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I believe we shall have ice cream after.

Blue Ribbons

My husband has always had another love besides me. I went into this relationship knowing that no matter where we went or how old we got, one thing would always follow us. His obsession with cheap beers.

When I first met him, he and his buddies worshipped at the shrine of Pabst. They drank it, talked it, collected it. In my opinion, it tasted vile, but to them it was the nectar of the gods. Pabst signs and lights hung around the house we all shared for a year, cans and bottles of the blue ribbon bedecked beverage sat in the fridge, and praises were sung to it's frothy goodness the summer nights we sat on the back porch enjoying the night air and of course, a cold one.

Fast forward three years, two kids, two houses, and a job change later. The signs hang downstairs in the weight room, my husband's domain. At every barbecue you will still inevitably find a bottle or two circulating the room. The vocal praising has somewhat subsided, but on every male face there is still the look of appreciation as he sips his beer. The mania has somewhat subsided, but the other day as I browsed a selection of books, I saw the familiar ribbon logo on top of the words, Great American Beers. I perused, thought Evan would enjoy it, and purchased it. He's been reading it almost every night since, and I decided to take a look as well. I was astounded at the history inside it's pages. It lists twelve brands of beers that became "American icons", and truthfully, is fascinating. I suddenly understand the obsession to collect what I once looked at as random man crap. It's a piece of history, a piece of American culture.

In a somewhat unconscious move, I started browsing EBay for other similar items and found a treasure trove of antique type items from each of these founding breweries. I showed Evan, and it's become quite fun to steal moments together searching for and discovering items that are linked to the history behind cans and bottles. We actually made a purchase of an unissued stock certificate in the Pabst Brewing Company dated 1910, and I hope to slowly add other such items to the collection Evan started years ago. When the stock arrives this week, it will be ooh-ed and ah-ed over, and then it will join the other items already downstairs in Evan-land, although that will not be it's permanent home. I've decided that I no longer want those once pesky displays closeted away, I want them where I can enjoy them with my new found insight, and so soon, when we are finished remodeling the basement and it becomes the family room of my dreams (whose previous design called for the boxing and storing of beer related items), I will proudly hang these pieces of American culture where they will be seen and enjoyed, and more importantly, where I can share them with the man who inspired their presence. The book that started it all will sit on a coffee table perhaps, ready to educate future generations of beer connoisseurs.

Waiting for Evan to get home...

Boo bop do dee bop....

An Explanation

I've been researching and talking to some friends, and have narrowed down my symptoms. As a person who has suffered from depression, I know that is not exclusively what is going on, although I do admit that I am down from all of these weird changes in my moods and behaviors. I think what has happened is that the postpartum depression I decided to blatantly ignore after both pregnancies gave way to an anxiety disorder, which causes my extreme moods, irratablilty, and OCD like tendencies. Kind of a I-couldn't-control-my-emotions-so-I-must-control-all-else-or-suffer-a-panic-attack kind of thing. Below are some excerpts from some of the articles I read:

"Depression after pregnancy is called postpartum depression or peripartum depression. After pregnancy, hormonal changes in a woman's body may trigger symptoms of depression. During pregnancy, the amount of two female hormones, estrogen and progesterone, in a woman's body increases greatly. In the first 24 hours after childbirth, the amount of these hormones rapidly drops back down to their normal non-pregnant levels. Researchers think the fast change in hormone levels may lead to depression, just as smaller changes in hormones can affect a woman's moods before she gets her menstrual period.

Occasionally, levels of thyroid hormones may also drop after giving birth. The thyroid is a small gland in the neck that helps to regulate your metabolism (how your body uses and stores energy from food). Low thyroid levels can cause symptoms of depression including depressed mood, decreased interest in things, irritability, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, and weight gain. A simple blood test can tell if this condition is causing a woman's depression. If so, thyroid medicine can be prescribed by a doctor." (Taken from ForWomen.gov)

"Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry about everyday things, which is disproportionate to the actual source of worry. This excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning, as individuals suffering GAD typically catastrophise, anticipate disaster, and are overly concerned about everyday matters such as health issues, money, family problems, friend problems or work difficulties.[1] They often exhibit a variety of physical symptoms, including fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes. These symptoms must be consistent and on-going, persisting at least 6 months, for a formal diagnosis of GAD to be introduced. [1] Approximately 6.8 million American adults experience GAD, affecting about twice as many women as men.[2]" (Taken from Wikipedia)

"According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV-Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR), the following criteria must be met for a person to be diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
1. Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least six months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance).
2. The person finds it difficult to control the worry.
3. The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms present for more days than not for the past 6 months). Note: Only one item is required in children.
restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge
being easily fatigued
irritability
muscle tension
difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless unsatisfying sleep
difficulty concentrating or the mind going blank
4. The focus of the anxiety and worry is not confined to features of an Axis I disorder, e.g., the anxiety or worry is not about having a panic attack (as in panic disorder), being embarrassed in public (as in social phobia), being contaminated (as in obsessive-compulsive disorder), being away from home or close relatives (as in Separation Anxiety Disorder), gaining weight (as in anorexia nervosa), having multiple physical complaints (as in somatization disorder), or having a serious illness (as in hypochondriasis), and the anxiety and worry do not occur exclusively during post-traumatic stress disorder.
5. The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
6. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism) and does not occur exclusively during a Mood Disorder, a Psychotic Disorder, or a Pervasive Developmental Disorder." (Also from Wikipedia)

And that is All...

Bible Study - Enlightening
New MySpace Profile - Supercool
Finding a Perfect New Purse - Satisfying
Spending a day wrestling and shopping with Tracy and the kids - Oh so Priceless

Spring in my Heart

Right now I am stalking the mailman. No, quite literally, I am perched on a chair by my window, pausing in my typing every few minutes to glance out and see if he is making his rounds yet. Today with my regular assortment of credit card offers and bills will be a box, or perhaps a large envelope, containing one pair of pink and green Llamajama longies. Ely will look so ridiculously cute in them that I can hardly contain myself. Where are you Mr. Postman?

This week is going much smoother than last week. This last weekend my family helped me with a cleaning spree that covered everything from the basement to laundry to closets and the kitchen, so I feel I'm sitting in the midst of a sparkly, fresh smelling house. I'm beginning to plot my garden and backyard for this Spring, as well as planning how exactly I will make my basement seem cleaner, fresher, and all around happier once I have a free room for myself again down there.

This week is full of cheerful, bright activities to look forward to. Tomorrow is bible study followed by a trip to Tuesday Morning with my bud Tracy. On Wednesday I will finally learn how to make my knitting needles speed through a skein of yarn and produce little soakers with Mackenzie. Thursday looks blissfully empty at this point, and Friday will be bringing an all night cropping session with some of my favorite scrapbooking friends. (Note to self, print out pictures so I have something to scrapbook with...).

If only every day could be as peaceful as this one :)

Blissful Morning

The picture on the other side of my window is a little dreary, but inside, cozy with my kids, there's nothing but sunshine. Evan had to leave early this morning, but Aidyn let me sleep until a little after six, then came and cuddled with me while light slowly entered my room. We got up, and together fed the dog and cat, let the dog outside where she wrestled momentarily with the snow, and then came in and got ourselves breakfast. Ellery woke up around 7:30, then she and her brother sat side by side on the couch and watched some Dora. Right now, as I finish up my morning computer time and drink a cup of joe, they are curled up at my feet doing a puzzle.

I know we can't always have ideallic mornings like this, but aren't they nice every once in a while?